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| what happened |
| 09.22.05 (8:34 pm) [edit] |
It had only been 8 months, at most. How much can one change in that amount of time? A lot, apparently. I think I've been through half of the states since then. Not to mention how many jobs I've had, people I've met, teeth I've gotten replaced- and those are surface things that many people know about- there have been a lot of changes on the inside, too. Imagine how much little kids change in that time! How many clothes did they outgrow, or what new things have they learned, like tripling their vocabulary, etc.? All of this got started this evening when I embarked on a normal routine: I walked to my car. I was at home, on the way out for groceries, when a pre-teen/teen caught my attention, and I knew I should know her, but there was no way it was my 'little sis' but it was. Now I don't actually have a blood sister, the closest being either 1) our dog that we grew up with and who lived to the age 18- that qualifies in my world and/or 2) my best friend Serpe, who has been there a lot and her family accepts me as their own--- so years ago, I took Jessie as my own, and we did things like paint nails and sing and have fun together. We're neighbors. We talked around Christmas last year, and possibly in April this year (my memory's horrible) and I don't know how she grew so fast! It's one thing to get taller, but that change into adolescence sure is a big change!With that said, I'm falling asleep- so here are visuals of my thoughts- me on my 8th birthday (pool fun to come, with friends)--- 8 being the age I'll probably always think of Jessie as and then at about age 12, Jessie's current age. Looks like I'd discovered boys and forgotten toys by then (or something like that).   |
| 4 Comments |
| Ps 68:19 |
| 09.21.05 (6:12 am) [edit] |
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F# E D D -A- When I skip a note or get the sequence wrong, it's hard to even recognize the song I'm playing. (Can anyone guess the song from those few piano notes?) I've had a stressful couple weeks- or should it be I've been STRESSED these days? I think/know I've got an easy life compared to others, so I don't want to complain or think anything I have to deal with is a big deal. Right now it feels like I'm ready for something bigger than what I have to handle now, and that's scary, but exciting, and I keep looking for what that big thing is. I like my family a lot. We all spent a few days together surrounding my great aunt's funeral. It was time for her to go, as she hadn't even been a shadow of herself for years. With that said, we all had a blast together, and paid her respects. She influenced a lot of people in a positive way- sharing Christ's love with them through teaching and music, mostly. We all made bouquets in the cemetary to sort of share the love. I also felt more connected to the women-realtives in part because I felt tall- they've always seemed to tower over me- a majority are at or near 6'- and I don't know if it was the heels, or if they're shrinking with age, but I was looking eye-to-eye with them. With all that said, I like control, as that seems to give me some sort of peace of mind, or idea of what to expect, but control or vain attempts of can be very dangerous, and I'm learning that more and more. Like with playing the piano by ear mostly, trying to line that up with the sight of the hymnal (that's my clue)- I messed it up, and it was very obvious to me, and it made me think of my life, and how I probably play notes wrong all over the place, and who notices and tries to show me the right notes? Who thinks that our lives are supposed to sound that way- that they will never flow beautifully? |
| 7 Comments |
| libraries- use them |
| 09.11.05 (8:03 pm) [edit] |
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All of my inner strength and creativity came out to protect my friends from this mutant gang member, who turned out to be Aaron. It worked in the dream at least, and I was friends with and cared for Aaron in the end; I woke up feeling powerful but that was last week. There has been more death and destruction going on than I've ever been subject to. It started with an old pastor last month, and now there have been two more deaths of people I know, plus all of those people on the Gulf that I don't. I'm actually having a hard time having complete grace with them. I want to say that they somehow brought it upon themselves for livng there or not getting out, but that's a horrible thing to say when so many people are out of homes and jobs and even health or life. If I use my negative attitude towards myself or people I highly value, then I'd say we deserve a doomsday, too. None of us makes the best decisions or deserves a safe life. The pastor today reminded us of that. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to do the right thing, or do things in the right way (those two things can be different) that we lose focus and don't grow closer with God or live the way He wants us to. It's so much more tempting to try to control, take care of things my own way than to trust someone else to. It's kind of nice not having any assignments per se due. I miss having peers close by. I feel more grown up lately, but not too much. Especially working being a Sales Associate. It's not especially painful, but there are things I'd rather promote, like books!! But not in a megabookstore kinda way. More of a 'Libraries rock so use them to their full advantage' sort. |
| 2 Comments |