Today has been an up and down and all around sort of day.  For someone who likes attention and the feel of a strong, warm wind, today is tops (in my shoes).  For someone who likes feedback and any sort of acknowledgement, today was not so hot.  I felt a bit like Kate Winslet in The Holiday.  Teased/flattered by the British hunk (who's not available and not good for her/me anyway).  Good chick flick, btw, if you don't look down on people having sex soon after meeting (or can separate movie themes/happenings from reality and moral conviction).

I've played around with the idea of sharing some more 'what I've learned' life stories/tidbits today, but the ones I thought of I would rather not share with the general public (not anybody, maybe).  They are things that are personal that I can't see helping others.  I can say that I have been rather full (and empty?) of myself lately.  I think I'm rather special & attractive, etc.  Sometimes, I'm bummed, though- I dont' know what it's based on- I take too many things to heart (and also not enough).

Onto 'Heroes,' my dark yet powerful fave show.

fortune cookie fortunes

As I was eating the cookie this morning, I read,  "If your desires are not extravagent, they will be granted. "  I frowned.  It seems so confining.  I want to dream and live big.  I don't want a mediocre life or dreams.  Why settle?  There are things in life that are worth waiting or working for.  I really wish more people believed and practiced that.

anyway, I need to get to work, but I'll leave on a positive note.  if you add a certain phrase (in the bathroom) to the end of the fortune, it brings on a whole new meaning.

She had the brightest haunting blue eyes.  and shiny golden-blonde (spiraled) hair.  and she was a ghost/spirit.  I dreamt about her last night- she was maybe 40-something, and was kind-of watching over her family- letting them know she was there when they needed her.  The problem was, there were some barriers- actual doors and windows that prevented her from going all of the places her family was or that she wanted to go.  She sought my help in this, sometimes wordlessly guiding me through her journey.  She floated- even went through walls, but there were some parts of the house that were not open to her, and this caused pain that I could see.  Couldn't they be honest with her and vulnerable?  She was there to help, but she couldn't fully do so if they wouldn't allow her in every area, every hurt...

As I walked in a familiar neighborhood this afternoon, I saw the familiar construction barriers and wooden sheltered sidewalk with its peepholes.  There was a pull for me to cross the street, look down in the big pit, and see how it was progressing.  I decided I was too cold & hungry.  I also noticed that there were already maybe 10 stories (at least framework) built.  What?  Where did that come from?  How does that fit into my initial perspective?  I had spent enough time looking down in that deep pit that I formed an imprint that blurred reality.  This made me think of parallels in less tangible areas of life.  Are there people who still search for pennies in the gutter or in a crease in their pocket, worrying about their next meal, when by some miracle, they now have a considerable income and plenty of food?  How about in an emotional sense- whether seeing ones-self or others-- being blinded to what's really big and amazing and sturdy and available now instead of what never was or nearly was or wasn't enough?

I cooked my first whole meal in a long time last night.  It included asparagus, onions & pierogis.  It turned out well. J  I didn’t cook much when Chris & I dated.  I’m perfectly happy letting someone else cook, which is evidenced by when Amber and I were roommates.  Othertimes, I make sandwiches or eat junk food to get by.  But now that I have more time, and farmers markets will be opening soon, I’m looking forward to real food again.  I’ll definitely continue to bake cookies, etc. on occasion.  My current co-workers aren’t as resistant to sweets. ;)  Well, my beloved old co-workers ate the goods up quickly, but they also protested, as many were on diets.

As promised, here is a little insight into Guatemala:

05 March 2007

Sunday night. (after long day)

We went to Antigua today & saw a procession (during Passover?)  IT was neat.  Families displayed ‘carpets’ outside their homes for the ‘procession’ (basically a holy parade) to trample through.  Incense & purple were everywhere.

Lunch was @ Rodiva’s? Hotel- tasty ‘Chicken Rolls.’ Asparagus w/ chicken wrapped around & baked in white sauce.  Fresh zucchini & carrots.  Great dessert (looked like shredded coconut, tasted a bit like apple w/ flan & cinnamon,

We left @ 7:10 & traffic was fine.  I feel slightly more safe.  Ever since arriving here, whether due to real or perceived threats, I’ve stuck close to my companions.  We forgot to exchange $c for catan, so that’s complicated some things.  One carpet we saw was in memory of a son that’s died.  Last year, he said he would.

Susie <<our host>> is great.  She seems to be very non-judgmental, which is hard for me to fathom.  Susie lives simply.  I really have excess.  I bought my first things here (besides meals).  Banana bread & multigrain.  Very good.  As was coconut in sugar (hardened) sauce.