by us I mean me, and by lunch I mean... that's the alternative (actually only?) option I had this morning.  I was (am?) feeling lonely today, and wish I was married.  I want to love on someone. :)  For now, I can love on myself by making myself lunch, and love on others in appropriate ways.  I may have especially wanted someone w/ me 'cause I had an awful nightmare.  It was so bad, that even after waking up, I wanted to screech!  (and believed that I could, which is really saying something, because I have a hard enough time speaking loud enough for people to hear me in noisy places- I'm not a volumous person ;)).

As requested, here is a photo of platform heels:

 Not of mine or my foot, just what Google found.  (mine don't have a space in the middle- they're stable) I might be able to stand in those- and it looks like they're cushioned... I'll try to share the real thing before too long.

Some new things?  I get to cat-sit this coming weekend, and I am excited to do so!  It will be somewhat of a vacation.  It is in the area- maybe a 35 minute drive (maybe less except rush-hour) and I can camp out there... it sounds adventurous.  Playing w/ a cat, reading & watching movies...  Maybe it'll quench my current 'I'm still in this area?!' crisis.  This morning, I was driving on the beltway (495) and I realized that I was more familiar with it than 94.  94 is near where I spent the first 21 years of my life.  I have been hear for 18 months.  I don't think the fact that 16 of those beginning years I was not driving, because one can learn and be familiar with things even if his or her control over (navigating) it are minimal.  Seriously, this morning I was ready to keep on driving (I didn't know where) just to get out of the area that I felt too accustomed to.  With that said, I generally like change (and familiarity) but probably most when it's in my own timing (or close to it).  I get pissed off or otherwise flustered when I'm thrown into something I don't feel prepared for.  Then again, when I know I need to change or work on something, and someone points it out, I can also get upset- thinking, "How dare they!  Don't they know that I'm already aware of this and that by pointing it out, it hurts me to no end?" - - as if people like to personally attack me or that their opinion makes a big difference in my self-perception.

I've spent more time than I'd like to on the internet at this moment (18 minutes past my self-imposed half-hour limit, at this point), so I'll wish you well & get back to The Two Towers.
much love

The other evening, after enjoying the sun and strong wind & having read a portion of my current interest, The Fellowship of the Ring, I found myself on the Metro, heading home.  Nothing too out of the ordinary- just standing there with my fellow commuters.  Before I knew it, there was a crack in the universe, and I was back a year or so into the past, when the Metro was still new to me, and people still spoke to me on it.  I hadn't noticed that I'd missed it 'til then.  For months, I have sat or stood, usually reading, and that was that.  (the exception that comes to mind is a firefighter from Seattle and his buddy- they were fun on a day that we were stuck together for a long time).  Back to Neil.  It started off as the small talk that can end w/in a sentence, but continued 'til our journey took us elsewhere.  I learned where he had lived, about his son, his views on what matters in life, shared appreciation of the Metro system...  and it all started w/ his comment on my 4" platform shoes & how they reminded him of his mom in the '70s.  I don't know what it was- could it just be great timing?  for whatever reason, it made my day, and seemed to be part of a paradigm shift.  Towards what?  I don't know.  But people are fascinating, and it's nice being treated like a human.  It's easy for people to get caught up in their own thing, and act like they're too good for your time.  I do that.  I don't often see it that way- I think maybe no one cares to meet me or share their time chatting on the Metro, but why should I decide for them?  That's a major (bad) thing I do- assume things for others.  I am intelligent and sensitive and perhaps acute.  That does not mean I have it right- just a seemingly slight difference can make a HUGE deal.

 I had very exciting dreams last night.  I only remember two things (besides the general feel of it all).  1) a co-worker was there, and we were good buddies 2) I had little nicks on my hands- one of which was infected.  hmmm... doesn't sound that exciting when I put it that way.  All I can attempt to describe is the overall feeling: we (other people as well) hung out and were inside sometime- but it was sunny (shadows as well) and welcoming & whatever projects or mischief we were up to, we did so as a team- we were all on the same page- each doing our part.  Also, I can just tell that my brain was in overdrive- which is good- somehow because it was while I was sleeping, I don't feel worn out (this is strange because there are other nights that I wake up exhausted- even with a full night's sleep)- I'm ready to have a great, full day.

some things are difficult to grasp and/or deal with.  I've had my share lately (maybe more than- but i think it balances the easy times in life).

 I'm tempted to say that problems have arisen out of being honest.  It's not that simple.  (haha- I'm thinking of "You can't handle the truth!" exclaimed in some commercial or movie...)  Anyway, this past week or so has been especially tough.  Misunderstandings and non-communications can go sour fast.  I'm so glad I'm not in a relationship right now.  Or at least not a dating one.  it's so tiring to figure people out or get what they are saying.  Especially when we think we know each other but wording messes it up.  "That's (not) what I was saying!"  The sad part (in my opinion) is that all this drama has been between people at church.  I'm sure I could have done something to clarify things (or rectify or prevent them?) but what I can do now is continue on- and talk about things this weekend, I hope.  Last week, at my job, co-workers seemed to come out of the woodwork to set-up/entertain & clean up an open house.  I'm not saying that I didn't prod w/ e-mails and in-person conversations, but when it cam down to it, people who hadn't even shown interest were right there (willingly).  What's going on?  What's wrong with this picture?  Things are improving.  I spoke w/ said person for a long time this weekend.  There may have been some progress or understanding.  Others have been encouraging and willing to help out as needed.  this is all old news to me...

speaking of frames of mind: I've secretly hoped to be married before having to renew my driver's license (summer '09).  I don't think I've done anything to hurry that along.  nonetheless, I'm letting go.  I no longer live in that state, and am switching over my license to my current one w/in a month.  I am glad for some of the freedom that being single entails.  There's enough stress & things to do w/o that added on.  (ideally, it will be worth it when it happens)

I need to share some things.

Positive:
*I 'saw Jesus' yesterday.  A co-worker went above and beyond and delivered my lost jacket to me the other morning.  It was great to see her smiling face and my jacket it the same frame.  (I had left it at a meeting in another part of town.)  She hunted it down at 9 at night- so that makes it even more special!
*"To him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin" (James 4:17, Bible)
What does that look like in regards to non-violence?  in the public transportation system? maybe helping an elderly person get through a door?  Also, maybe that supports the idea that we all have different 'truths' or at least something that determines what we should or shouldn't do.

Warning:
*Watch out for me.  I'm learning more- including about myself, and I think I'm dangerous (especially to men).  Maybe somewhat charismatic as well (maybe more later on that- I'm not as neutral-appearing as in the past).  The reason that I feel I need to write this is probably a self-absorbed one, but I will proceed nonetheless.  I think every person is rather great (with some exceptions).  Because of this, I get into trouble- I want people to know that they have something going for them and that I think that they're great.  :)  The trouble comes when it appears more than it is.  I am not paying special attention to you.  Although I love new starts (they're exciting) I am happy being single and think that anything more would progress out of a solid friendship...  I feel like I have been doing the male bright-colored 'look at me/choose me!' dance when I should be the bland brown female being wooed.  I don't plan on blending in just yet, but if there are games that I am playing (intentionally or not) then I'll do my best to stop.  It is hard being upfront about things sometimes, especially when they're murky- it could all be innocent.  Maybe I'm seeing what's not there?