It's good to blush again.  I've gone through periods of being more calloused- sometimes being aware og it, sometimes not and it's days like this when blushing at romantic antics that it's good to feel again.

Another too-familiar, yet more 'rather not experience too often' feeling happened at a bowling alley the other night.  Most of the time, I feel like a rather competent person.  I have a good grasp on what's going on around me, how it fits together & maybe even what part I have in it.  It's those times that I just can't seem to communicate the way I'd like or can't get the bowling ball to go where I want that I get flustered.  If I can't send a ball down 60 feet without it straying, how can I project control over other areas of my life further distances?  Maybe it's moments like this that I realize how little control I have over my own world or how far out-of-whack I can go trying to use my own strength & coordination.  In bowling, it doesn't matter if you're on a good path for 59 feet if you end up with a gutterball.  That doesn't help the score.
Also, the way scoring works with bowling makes me think of money- how some people earn a dollar and that's what it's worth or cashed-in for at the end.  Then are those who are able to take that dollar and add it to others and multiply can end up with much more than the mere sum of those dollars.  Different equations in this instance can make such a major difference!

when the beating of your heart echoes ... there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes
this moment isn't like any other moment
some kind of wonderful
thank you, Jesus
freckles in our eyes are mirror images
I hope that you know that
you make me feel

There's much positiveness and excitement in my life, regardless of what Friday's post began as.  <as another aside, I have to laugh at my current yahoo avatar. :D  When I had more freetime at my last job, I'd create different aliases expressing various personality traits and interests.  This one looks rather like a realistic Erin (who is dancing outside in the snow).  I didn't use them to actually communiacte with people, it was basically just an online way of playing dolls or dress-up.>  I was so caught up in the good things, radiating joy at work, etc. that i felt the need to counterbalance that with more serious, or at least other areas of reality.  To not diminish the value of the areas of improvement, I'll try to keep this brief.

Is there anything wrong about being excited and having a million unanswered questions?  Is it OK to ask those questions or think there may not even be answers to them?  Is there really an answer to why everything happens and why people do what they do?  Is it possible to not care?  to not assume anything?  How can we have a grasp on reality if 'the facts' are something that can be interpretted any number of ways?  Do we even know why we do what we do?  If someone asked me, "What do/did you intend with...?" or "... mean by...?" do I even know?  If I answer with what I think is honesty, can that be it?  How many layers are there to who we are and what we do?  How does language alter our perceptions?  Even people who have been friends for a long time can say one thing and have it be heard any number of ways.  Is it really that big of a deal to not 'get' each other?  Don't we all see the things the way we want to anyway?  How much research is necessary before making a wise decision?  what are facts anyways?  Why am i so blessed?

you were going to read a non-vacation post.  A more current one- but I've decided against that.  Too many contradictions or at least conflictions.  Who really cares what I'm learning?  I think some things maybe shouldn't be shared.  or at least I shouldn't use this as a scapegoat- as an excuse to not deal with real life.  I'm tired of talking and analyzing and not living.  Even if living means doing uncomfortable things.  I don't know why I've been so reflective- I'll credit a friend with her honesty & this emotional keyboard music coming through the speakers and two unspokens.

Day 3, cont'd:
Let's back-track a lil.  I'd forgotten an important deviation on Friday!  Ruggle's Mine in NH.  The signs advertising came at the right time at my trip to appeal.  Mines are like caves and caves as fascinating, so why not?  It was about 4 miles off 4 uphill.  When I got there, i saw why- at the top of a mountain.  :)  It was a nice view, even if the staff there didn't think so (drizzling/low clouds).  I hope to get pics back today- so we'll see about posting some.  I was having so much fun exploring that I came back as a worker was getting his yellow rainjacket on to search for me!  I enjoyed the resonance in some of the caves.  It was fun to sing.  I also enjoy searching for minerals.  and making connections with people.  There were two people working there that day, and I chatted with them for a while.  If nothing else, I was glad that I went there that day (in part because it was closing for the season in two days!)

Have I failed to mention the random monument?  It was also in Hew Hampshire.  I drove over a bridge and found a commuter parking lot (this was east of the split with Hwy 3).  Walking back over the bridge, I saw a great little river and a mystery.  In the distance, I could see a trainbridge, but in the foreground were cement supports for a bridge, with no actual road on top connecting them!  That's what made me park in the first place.  What's with that?  Did a building budget run out?  Was it part of an older bridge that was burned or otherwise partially dismantled?  hmmm... so I walked around for a bit, hoping to find a plaque :)  but instead, I followed a path that joined up w/ the railroad and across another bridge to a pretty area that had a giant cement statue of an angel.  It commemorated the lives of those lost to a massacre hundreds of years ago.  I wonder who survived and how they were all related & thought about space, ownership, racism and life for a while afterwards.

--before continuing on, I'll jump back to Thursday.  If nothing else, I can reference for future car issues.  While parallel parking north of Boston on Thursday, a car and mine scraped.  It was the lady's fault, not my brothers.  The noise haunted me for a short while, but no one was hurt- thank God.  It looked like just a piece of plastic broke off her car and my front-left bumper is scraped.  We chatted and decided to not involve insurance.  I hope that the minor jack-hammer noise that's returned is nothing big... (it stops when the air is on).--

day 3, with pumpkins in the trunk
It was late (relatively- maybe 9:30) and dark.  I drove on small roads in MA.  Hardly ever saw another car.  Was still tired, but there were only businesses and residents along the road- no pull-offs, so I drove 'til a State Forest.  It didn't say park hours, but it didn't really seem like i should be there.  Nonetheless, I was.  I left the tent in the trunk as I didn't really want to camp by myself and napped in the car.  It was quiet and chilly and good to not drive in the dark. 

Day 4:

Four hours later, I decided it was time to continue on my journey.  In New York, I took the Taconic Parkway, and thought it was beautiful from what I could see.  The parkway did have parking areas, so I did so about 3:30 a.m. and slept better here for about 2 hours.  At that point, another car joined mine so I decided to head out (6 was when I'd planned on continuing anyway).  I drove south for about an hour and a half to a little diner for breakfast.  I wanted to chat with the locals, but could not bring myself to.  I was so far retreated into the reflective introvert, that no subject seemed appropriate or interesting.  It was nice hearing their small-town NY accents, though.  A lawn chair planted next to a mailbox up the road seemed fitting.  I could see a leisurely pace-of-life there, and imagined my mom delivering mail there instead of my hometown.  It reminded me of the importance of people & relationships.

TBC

My brother is good at city driving.  I am OK, but get tense (with shoulders and jaw as evidence).
Thursday: Traffic was not a problem (besides pedestrians) while with my brother.  The same was not true of my trip to Cambridge.  I thought that taking a couple straight-forward roads would make sense.  It probably did, but it took a looong time to get there!  Good thing I wasn't on a deadline.  So, it's drizzling out & chilly & I meet Matt at MIT.  He shows me around some of his favorite places (computer science building with their hacking theme).  I think of my college friends and how they could totally get along with this guy and pull some of the pranks or go in restricted areas like he has.  We then go to the Harvard area.  He treats me to Pinnocio's pizza (yum) and we walk around talking (have bubble tea, too).  That pretty much sums it up, except that he gives a friend a call (southern Maine).  Then, I drove through the rain and made it to said friend's house to meet him & crash on his couch for the night.  Cool guy.  Heads up support for the Ron Paul campaign in his area.  Really cute.  I don't know why it is that I'm surprised when I find so many people attractive!  and it's in such a way that I think people are beautiful, not like, "I want to kiss you."  Woke up every hour that night, just thinking and trying to comprehend whether what I heard was an aquarium or the rain.

Friday morning: headed through New Hampshire.  Most beautiful place I'd been to.  Stayed on 4 the whole way.  Stopped at a small info center and took pictures of scenes of ideal fall that happened to be miniature enough to fit within the frame.  Red leaves fallen on yellow ones w/ pine sapling and red berries growing... Went to Quechee Gorge State Park in Vermont next.  walked all around the path next to the gorge, then by the dam and finally the bridge.  Saw what looked like the base of a building- bricks on stone, and wondered the story behind it- it may have been a woolen mill.  Then, I chose to forego all the signature Vermonten places (cheese farms, Ben & Jerry's) and drove through the mountains south.  Stopped in MA for a Taco Bell dinner.  Then decided to take a nap at a parking area along the road.  There, a guy approached me to ask if I wanted to share a joint.  No!  I did chat with him for a couple minutes, but made it clear I was not interested in anything, and hit the road.  God definitely looked out for me!  Could have been much worse...  So I was a lil freaked out and called Matt 'cause he's slept at roadsides, etc.  He suggested checking out Northampton.  That's the next exit I'd planned on taking, so that worked out well.  The most interesting people I've ever observed were there.  It was a young crowd, but had families, too.  Everyone was dressed uniquely & was rather friendly.  I was actually more of the cold big-city girl for a lil while (someone had said, "hi" and it took me a minute to reply- I'm used to people saying hi in order to hit on or get something from me).  It was chilly (40s) and I enjoyed the crisp air and walked around for a while.  I considered going to a jazz performance, but decided against it.  I was at the point of my trip where I needed alone time to think/reflect.  I hit the road again and picked up some pumpkins.

as the screen is blurry and my time is up, I will continue 'Friday' at my earliest convenience.  get outside!

Happy Nuzzling Day!  or so I heard on the radio... I think the extent that I'll get of that is what i had so far with a blanket and sleeping bag in the 30-something air of my car this morning.  ;)

I am writing at a terminal in a library in PA.  Let's see how much I can chronicle of the fall foliage trip thus far in the allotted time.

I'll begin with my brother's pre-road visit.  He flew in Monday.  We hung out w/ Nikki (whose cat we sat for during his stay) and then went to the National Zoo.  It was 90!  At the zoo, I took note that I want to run there as a goal.  There will take some working up to get to that point- it's hard enough walking back uphill at the end!  With that said, I'm taking up running again.
We crashed early that night, hanging out w/ the cat.

Tuesday was DC touring day.  We went to the Natural History Museum and saw all those taxidermies I'd previously avoided.  They weren't as creepy as I'd feared.  I basically just went where my brother was interested in going.  For lunch, we headed up to Dupont Circle & caught up w/ the concert-lost-phone guy and my pastor.  My brother and I were quiet & the guy was engaging.  Engaging in the sense that he seems to be able to pick up a conversation with just anyone.  Not in the sense that I'm interested in him, because I am not.  He's someone I can honestly say that I think is cool and that we can be friends and nothing will happen.  Not that it's the first time that's happened, but sometimes there's that tension like something might.  I don't know if it's totally seperate or not, but there is a guy that I am interested in, so no one else will even get a second thought from me.  Regardless, we headed back to the Smithsonians (M.N.H., then Air & Space, the African).  By that point, my brother and I were snapping at each other a bit- don't know if it was the weather, my defensiveness or some sibling thing...  Headed up to Jaleo's for supper.  I had read the address earlier that morning, but mixed it with another address of a place I haven't been hope to go to (National Geographic Society).  That equalled walking extensively around town only to take a Metro back to the station I knew the restaurant was close to, going to the library & looking up the real address.  In the meantime, my brother caught up on some reading (that was a theme- him wishing he'd brought a book/looking for a bookstore) while I overheard a conversation.  The men talked about their faith & it was encouraging.  Nice, positive outlook on life & God.  After Jaleo's (brother liked shark but especially this special basque cake) we went to the Kennedy Center and listened to a famous sitar player.  Afterwards, we intended to crash early anticipated an early start the following day, but we ended up staying up late.  On my part, I was researching places for the vacation (that I hadn't had time to look at before).

(DAY ONE) Wednesday: rolled away at 5:15a.m.  Took major highways, but not 95- all the way to Maine.  It was mostly 81/84 & even Kenny admitted that he thought the road/view was nice.  We made good time (10 hours, even with stopping) and picked up maps at visitors' centers along the way.  Some things I noted:
exit 164, PA: "dark, abandoned plant w/ brokwn window"  It was the most fascinating abandoned building I've seen in a while.  I wanted to know it's history.  I'll put it on my to-do list of interesting things to follow-up.
exit 72, Ashford, CT: 'no cell in hand' (good to know)
trees the whole way... can see this being a significant sight if leaves were bright
MA: 'Take a Break- Stay Awake- for Safety Sake' (comes into play later on)
NH: I-95 toll= $1
Maine: we went to the ocean in York & it was so relaxing and refreshing... Kenny swam & I just breathed.  Then, we had lobster dinner (that did freak me out- there's one point where I stared at this creature with it's legs and new it had been alive early that evening & didn't know if I could continue eating it in that conscious.  Then my brother suggested I pretend I was an otter... and that worked!)  Finally, we went up to the hotel in Kennbunkport, where we learned they had a heated saltwater pool!!  I swam and floated to my heart's content (maybe 40s or 50s out) then slept long and well.

Thursday: Breakfast was great, including bread pudding- much better than other hotels' breakfasts (Kenny skipped it- maybe not awake enough).  (One thing to note about the Wednesday trip was the abundance to Dunkin Donuts.  They continued to haunt us Thursday as well.)  It was drizzling that morning, as it had the night before- so the trails weren't ideal for hiking, and we scratched that idea and headed to Boston.  It was OK.  We had no trouble getting there, and walked around downtown seeing some important/famou s sites.  We had sushi for lunch 'the best meal' Kenny had had the whole trip, besides the cake, and then headed for the harbor.  In the midst of everything, I lost the MA map & was scared I'd lost my check card as well... so I just tried to breathe and not undo the stress I'd already let go of- it had fallen out of my pocket in the car.  After safely getting my brother to the airport, I called up Matt (the cellphone/concert guy- have I mentioned he lives there?)  I stayed in the warm, dry airport for a lil bit before heading to MIT to catch up with him.  Details to ensue.

you would think that the one or two times I drive a week (mostly solo) would make it easy to figure out whose phone this is. (found under passenger's seat) Two people come to mind. The phone is dead (who knows how long it's been there?) so I can't turn it on to find any clues- although i may have an adaptable charger. Time for class, though, so sorry to the owner that must wait another day! (now my mind is running wild- I had left a window rolled down overnight last week- what if someone has a grudge against me and planted the phone there w/ an explosive in it to go off in so many days? haha or is that just in movies?

Update: I was able to charge the phone, and scrolled through names such as 'Ap,' 'Borden' and 'Citi.'  I found myself in there and eventually, "me."  The area code looked familiar, but I knew it wasn't this corner of the country.  I then scrolled through my own phone until I found the match.  At first I thought it was a friend's husband, but that made no sense.  Then, I remembered.  He was the guy I met on that hot day returning from the airport that I met at  White Stripes concert later that night.  Unfortunately, it appears I did not blog about that!  How is that possible?  I'm browsing now... anyway, I called the guy (he is in another state- and had only come to town that time for the concert) and he happens to be coming to town tomorrow!  I'll be downtown tomorrow afternoon, so we'll meet up.  He suggested lunch, but I'll be hanging out w/ a guy, so that might be strange.
OK, so I hadn't blogged about it.  It was fun. :)  He's one of those guys that are worth meeting even in passing.  Gives insight into life & has energy.  It was with him & his friend that I've had the only beer that was decent. and was able to enjoy a really loud concert.