or supposing or imposing.  hmmm- interesting concepts.

One thing that one can not help but experience (unless s/he has teh ipod on and zones out) is the humanity and lives that we live as we take public transportation.  Who can be bored while observing others?  Not me.  This morning, a fellow in front of me had lyrics to a song in some European (I believe) non-English language that he was seemingly memorizing, along with a binder full of stanzas he had pencilled in.  He was concentrating and I didn't want to appear so nosy, so I didn't ask what language it was or other details.  I did notice that it was for a class, based on what I observed when he put it in his briefcase (that, and that he seems to work for the national government, which isn't surprising in this area).  With that said, anything one does in public really is public domain.  Please don't get offended when someone joins or responds to a conversation you're having on your cell phone, for example.

On another note, I think that I need less sleep than I'd been getting.  I say this only 'cause I slept ~ 7 hours last night (up at 5:30) and feel great!  Now it could be 'cause I'm happy or 'cause I saw an episode of Pushing Daisies or 'cause there's some sugary caffeine in me- I dunno.  It just reminded me that 6-7 hours used to be the norm for me.

Regardless, yesterday's post is one of those things I just set aside to pick up when I'm inspired later & now it's back to work!

"28 November, 2007
Attn: young professional women
Please wear approx. knee-length skirt to office today.
Scarves and tights are recommended as it is windy and will be in the 30s (F)."

Apparently, I did. My cold-resistant-clad self doesn't mind. Plus, I plan to wear a long skirt tomorrow.

what other memos have been distributed?

how about the women on the Metro the other day. They apparently read or wrote one. "here, grab my arm if you need to." "We're all in this together."  It's been a good day for reasonable-minded commuters with a good sense of humor.

an aside: I've had some good conversations and insights into things.

I really am in a silly mood! I am having a lot of fun today. Hour Eyes has treated me well & I'll let you know how the Acuvue Oasys work out.

In another part of life, I have been having a hard time adjusting to a new person. This is someone who is becoming a friend. For some reason, it seems different this time. Maybe it's that there are things about her that that are similar to what I don't like in me. Maybe it's 'cause it seems like I'm normally the one pursuing the other or at least setting the bar for what the relationship will look like. or maybe none of those- maybe it's just seemed smoother or more welcome in the past for some other reason, perhaps living in a fog?

I'm pretty sure the whole 'fox trot' conversation happened in a dream last night.  It's easier to distinguish reality when something just does not fit!  I was trying to diagnose whether this feeling of running only to be further behind covers more than just set-backs in reorganizing my room when I remembered a conversation with a friend yesterday.  "Stop thinking so much..." she admonished me.  It's true.  I may not be vocally a chatterbox (at least not constantly ;)) but that doesn't mean my mind's not running on warp 7!

Nonetheless, one dream reminded me of the sponge effect- what comes in must go out.  One movie I rented at the library was filthy.  I had reasons for watching it, but I also had a pretty good idea of where it was going, and could have stopped it at any time (instead of fast-forwarding through explicit scenes) but did not.  So I have been thinking about what it means to dwell or fix our mind on what is good (Philippians 4:8, I Peter 1:13) & balancing that with still interacting with people and situations that are not perfect.  Which brings me back to the main reason I rented the film in the first place- a classmate of mine (in 10th grade) recommended it after a good conversation we had.  He may have been considered a social outcast and we were just talking and he shared some of what he believes and I did, too & he was shocked that I was a Christian, 'cause I didn't cut him off.  How can we really connect with or understand someone if we don't know anything about them or what they believe?

Continuing on the cyclical theme, another movie I borrowed was Anastasia ('40's version).  It sounded interesting (czar's family murdered, but did a daughter escape?) and it wasn't 'til I brought it home that I noticed Ingrid Bergman as the main actress.  The connection I have with her was my mom telling me I could win a wedding in Sweden if I won this look-alike contest.  It was supposed to be this year, commemorating her wedding to her first husband 70 years ago.  That sure would be an occasion to remember! haha.  I'd rather not mimic someone else's life.
To tie in with above, Anastasia was supposedly a big step for Ingrid- a welcoming back, if you would.  She had divorced her first husband since the last major film & that was less accepted during that time.
The set was intriguing- costumes, the theatre, etc. & I enjoyed the film.

Lastly, (unless Chuck and Larry counts) was The Glass Menagerie.  It's actually the first movie of these that I watched, but for stories' sake, fits here.  I plan to read the book when I make it to an open library. I am convinced that every person who watches this film or reads the book will thoroughly enjoy it!  or at least it came at the right time for me.  Who cannot relate to families with issues?  Controlling mothers or sons that strive for much more than they're currently settling for or daughters who are extremely timid?  I did not see myself in the film, but recognized other people in it, especially the charming suitor.  "... I am not made of glass."  It is nice when someone can hold a conversation, but the key is where it is all heading.

this could be it- that common ground I was looking for!    I tend to look for solutions to even imagined or not-yet-realized problems.  It may be behind-the-scenes.  I don't tend to tackle problems proactively unless it's further removed from personal relationships (like I'm redesigning my room & wrapping gifts at work for our December staff meeting).  When a relational issue does cross the significant importance threshold (what qualifies is another story), I can't let it rest.  The whole, "We need to talk" scenario makes me want to drop everything and deal with it, otherwise it's one of those unresolved incessant bugs that keeps gnawing at me until the conversation comes.

lol lol lol (this is me uncontrollably laughing or at minimum overflowingly happy)
It is good to network.  It's nice being able to go up to someone to ask about something very specific, such as the ins and outs of buying wine, and know they know what they're talking about.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and today it reached 72 when I was out during lunch.  There will be a family with 3 boys blending with 4 young women in our gathering tomorrow.

this post could go far into another direction, but I will keep on a different path.

everything is flowers and rainbows this morning!  or more accurately, hopeful & dressed in fall colors, at least in my perspective.  I don't know if it's 'cause of the great dream I woke up in the middle of or the two-day workweek or the unbelievably gorgeous fall surroundings...  I was so taken aback on my walk to the Metro this morning, that it took a lot to keep walking and not sit down, capturing the scenery with paint and praising God!  I definitely need to hike this weekend.  Let's see who can join me.  The fact that I've been waking up mid-dream for the past few days like I used to is another story.

As always, spending time with family has given me perspective.  I do not foresee ever not thinking about truths and realities and pondering big questions after even spend a short while with them.  I like that.  :)

Upon my return home, I was greeted with a particularly clean home and a bridal magazine on the living room table.  The cleanliness is rather normal- one housemate cleans as if he's trying to erase any mistakes he may have made.  The magazine, on the other hand, is new!  My initial hunch was that it is my friend here who is a teacher and is fun and looks out for me, but upon further consideration, it could also be my basement namesake.  They both are in serious relationships.  Regardless, it really reminded me that life stops for no one.  Even skipping town for a few days, I found this little mystery upon my return.  I also hoped that I would receive a call regarding this exciting turn of events! but maybe it happened last night or she figured I'd be home soon enough or maybe there were a myriad of things spinning around that didn't leave room for a checklist of who to call.  Regardless, I'm sure that it means one woman in this household is engaged, and I am happy for her.  :)  I wonder if that means I can make trips with her to Michaels for shower gifts, etc.?  If it is the couple I think it is, I wonder how that will change the household situation.  Will there be new housemates?  Will I need to find a new place?  I'll try not to think about it too much- I can ask details tonight.

I will try to make the most of my remaining hours in this place by maybe purging some clothes or downsizing in some way.  I was actually able to detach from some of my old belongings more scotch-free than I'd think and hope to continue that trend.  Then again, there are things that I put in a box to decide on later...  On that note, below, you will find an excerpt from my 'journal.'  The thing I find funny about it (besides that it sounds sooo high school/beginning adulthood) is that I just declared it as a journal, but wrote it during my freshman year, stashing it in a textbook.

circa Oct. '00-May '01
"Understanding is overrated.  There are people who don't understand me, but think that's cool, because I'm unique.  I'd much rather have accepting friends like that (a few of them) as opposed to a huge group of people understanding why I do what I do, and not appreciating or liking me,  Also, if people want to stereotype me because of their lack of knowledge about me, that's their loss.  I have some very special friends, who are one in a million, and I wouldn't give them up for hundreds of the popular, "cool," or obnoxious jerks out there.  I am always amazed at how others think. ...
In contrast to "understanding" being "overrated," understanding can be great!  I'm very expressive (facial-wise.)  This is a good thing, because I don't have to say a word to express my feelings.  When someone comes in the room or says something, my face/body respond!  I've never been able to lie- at least not without being caught!  Besides, it's much less painful for me to tell the truth right away, then let the lie grow, and with it, my nerves.  I take responsibility for my own actions, because life's not fair, but I want to be to other people.  Everything works out in the end, anyways."

After safe travels, i am home at my parents' now.  Normally, I would say it's nice to have no check-ins, but this time, it's nice to have no carry-on!  I had some bigger liquids and am saving room in a suitcase for misc things that may still be around here.

My transition to the Midwest can be illustrated by the TV channels displayed in Washington, DC vs midwest.  CNN vs Everybody Loves Raymond.

This is one of those, "What do I share?" moments.  There's been a lot to process lately- I'm just not sure the right forum... but as long as I'm not using this as a way to avoid confronting God about it, then maybe it's OK.

I wonder what it looks like to trust God.  To ask something of Him and trust that if it's His desire for us to have it, etc., it will happen in time.  Does God grant us our prayers sometimes out of spite?  to teach us a lesson?  The whole 'be careful what you wish for' mentality suggests that.  Not that we should use God as a genie anyway...  I ask this because it appears that what I've prayed for honestly & fervantly a long time ago is happening now, and it's not as painless as I'd hoped.  Maybe I am projecting insecurity about what it can spin out into.  As I was walking a new route downtown yesterday, I was in this daze- thinking this latest thing could be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.  My friend living his own life and following God's leading translated into having to let go of my grandma and my dreams.  Miles are manageable.  We can take trains and planes and cars to connect (or even do so wirelessly with computers and phones).  With something less tangible, like hopes and dreams, it's harder to catch the balloon that is them floating away (especially when we released them in the first place).  or with death- their life may not be over, but their interactions with those still on earth is.

Anyway, the 'funny' thing about all this is how quickly I was able to not feel the despair any more.  I mean, it comes and goes, but I walked into a store at a very low point, and came out smiling!  This could be for any number of reasons- maybe I built a wall up; maybe God was comforting me; maybe seeing that ridiculously long line gave me perspective (what is or isn't worth waiting for)?  Regardless, here I am.

Lately, I've felt very supported & loved.  Now I want to do the same for others!  Try new things, take risks & know that you're cared for.  If I could, I'd give you a hug and a pumpkin muffin (now I'm imagining the 'free hugs' video, with me in it, with a backpack of coffee & a tray of muffins...).

For some reason, for all the things I've been processing & experiencing, I can't seem to come up with much to write about!  I can say that singing in front of people wasn't as bad as I'd think.  Maybe it's like public speaking?  Except that I still shake or rush through speeches, etc....  Maybe it's also different 'cause it's one thing to praise God and sing worship music & another to sing for others' enjoyment?  Maybe it's 'cause I have encouraging people in my life who don't make big deals of things?  Either way, thank God for his peace & courage.  I look forward to continuing to sing, both in public & private sessions.

I also look forward to Wisconsin!  I'll fly there W p.m. & back here M a.m..  It will be good to spend quality time with my family & to see Amber & her hubby again!  It should also make this workweek more manageable (I hope!).  It's only 10:30, and I have a lot of work done already- I just hope time picks up a bit.

regarding choices:  Oftentimes, we come across an option to leave things as they were/how God made or a modified version.  Technology, science & medicine has come a long way through the years.  Does that mean it is taking the mystique out of God or what he has created?  Does it weaken Him at all?  Does it mean that choosing to use something genetically modified or that doesn't naturally occur mean that we're not trusting God for it?  Does not making the most of the opportunities presented to us mean that we're not trusting God, even when those opportunities have something 'unnatural' going on?  I'm thinking mostly of egg donations and other ways that people try to get pregnant, as well as heart- & other organ-transplants.  Pregnancy I won't share much on, as it seems like something highly personal and I can't speak for how I'd feel or act in that situation.  As for transplants, I'm a donor & think it's great that we're able to give life or at least a better life to others!  My grandma recently underwent some tests, and currently refuses to put her name on a heart-transplant list.  This has divided our family a bit, at least in the sense that we have differing opinions & all care about Grandma and want the best for her (and for us- we love spending time with her!)...  In the meantime, she'd taking medication and will get a pacemaker in a few months.

about cravings:  this can go in any number of directions!  the main thing I was thinking about was how sometimes I wonder if I didn't experience something enjoyable in the first place, would I want it?  or crave it?  I wouldn't technically *miss* it...  That doesn't stop me from enjoying life most of the time- at least not consciously.  For icecream, it has a bit- or at least I know what good icecream & frozen custard tastes like, and the harsher (icier) faker stuff is not appealing- and that makes me wonder if we grow accostomed (sp?) to new, *better* things and have a hard time going back?  I really could go on about this, but won't.

At the core, do I want big government or personal responsibility?  Ideally, I can continue to look at each individual candidate and decide who is most aligned with my ideologies & make an informed decision.  That's what I'm trying to do!  But reading what people have to say about themselves (or their opponents) can only take you so far.  At some point, it seems necessary to make a party-line decision, especially when it's not a clear-cut choice.  and that might be today!  sigh...  It would help if I could see it all broken down- some key issues and each candidate's stand on it- instead, it seems like I have to look every which way and spend too much time grasping for details!

in other news, I am restless & full of songs.  I hardly stopped humming or singing yesterday!  and 'Lady in Red' keeps dancing in my head today.  I really hope to focus soon.  I have gotten some work done, but have been goofing off more than I should.  I've also been thinking a lot about what it means to be brave or adventurous or to try new things or things that many have before...  I'm more reserved than I thought!  I wonder what factors affect that?  There are some things that I do/have done that others would not- but are they all on my own terms?  Did I feel more comfortable doing so 'cause I'd done the research or made the decision on my own?  Does it matter who it's around?  Does it matter if it's only some things?  it wasn't that long ago that I was self-conscious about dancing and then some, and yet now, I had a great time learning salsa last weekend!  It's funny how we're up for different things at different times in our lives.  I'm sure the company makes a difference.  back to work...

day 4, concluded:
Referencing a great shun-piker's book lent to me by a nice co-worker, I decided to travel close to Philadelphia in order to go through Delaware and eventually through the Eastern Shore of Maryland I've heard so many positives about.  Unfortunately, through the many road changes, I ended up trekking through Philadelphia.  While stoplights in small towns can help give me a chance to notice what otherwise might be a blur, stoplights leading to and through Philly, even on a Saturday, were not a welcome sight to my sleepy eyes.  One positive: Chik-fil-A for lunch.  The calmness & renewed sense of what's important was tested during the hours I spent in this city-I-will-avoid-when-po ssible.  Thankfully, whether the vacation thus far was so fabulous that I couldn't erase all that or because it's utterly ridiculous to let traffic/stoplights effect our happiness & sense of calm, I made it through mostly unscathed.  I was more than ready to take an interstate highway!  The open road was all I seemed to want (and to share my adventures & life with friends again).

Delaware was a short drive, with the toll booth & open sky as the only things I noted.

Maryland's Eastern Shore definitely does have attractive qualities (Sarah's right- it is a place I appreciate).  Unfortunately, I had imprints of mountains in my mind & the flatness before me was repulsive in contrast.  It recalled images of Indiana farmland & expansive Ohio.  Fortunately, by the time I wound through the Eastern shore, even before crossing many bridges, I'd adjusted.  There was something special about the space and land and trees- enough so that I want to go on a daytrip there (and also to cross the Bay Bridge again).  Before too long, I was home again & ready to begin a new day.

Here are pics from the trip.

As an aside, I had a funny surprise as a bonus to my breakfast chocolate this morning.  I'm at work just settling in, enjoying my Kiss, and I see the declaration, "LET'S GO OUT" on its tag.  That's one way of promoting itself!  For whatever reason, I thought it was a funny picture of me alone in a quiet office with an amorous chocolate.