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| here and now |
| 06.23.05 (5:28 pm) [edit] |
Here are some ways in which my life is how I have and have not expected it to be:Family: They're fun and loving. I forgot what it was like to live under someone's rules. It's fine doing chores and helping out- I want to, but there's also a pressure to stay around here or work for a big-name company. It is nice getting dental-work done.(under my dad's insurance). So for the time-being I feel like I'm in the right place- spending quality time with my family. I get enough sleep- I'm asleep by 11, and wake up at 5:30- which seems like what my body wants. now just to get a job . . . Work: I thought I'd be in Africa by now. Being a missionary always fascinated me, and a teacher. I think I've wimped out on both- they take so much work- and do I have what it takes? I still want to go teach overseas- hopefully soon- but I'm tired of moving- i love new people, new things, but won't someone come with me? Do I have to go alone? Some openings this fall in Poland look particularly appealing, but with still no job this summer, I feel bad looking for work in the fall. Plus, I don't feel like I know who I am or what I should be doing. I miss California, but can I go back is my career's not going anywhere there, and I don't have insurance? Boyfriend: Sharing has been good- not boyfriends, but food, etc.. When I was in fourth grade, I had to imagine high school, and I imagined going to the mall with friends and sharing a shake with a boyfriend. That didn't really happen. I started dating my senior year in high school, but it wasn't like that- it was hanging out with minimal physical contact- I wore a baseball cap so he had to stay inches away from me at least. Anyways, it's always great sharing food and shakes with Aaron. We had a cherry one in Texas. I think we have half a stomach each. I never imagined relationships taking so much work- how important talking was- not just talking with words, but expressing feelings, things deep-down. It's hard. Friends: My friends are great- smart, fun, good to talk with. I am just very inconsiderate way too often. For example, when I move to a new place, it's pretty easy for me to start over, meet new people, but maintaining contact with established friends is always a struggle. When I remember them, I don't immediately call or e-mail, I just think about them and pray for them, and then feel guilty I haven't talked with them for so long, so the clock keeps ticking . . . It's not an excuse, but I've found that it's much easier for me start something than to continue it. As far as finishing something, if it's getting over someone, or clear-cut,I can usually do it with a clear cut (but maybe not closure). The example I'm thinking of is boyfriends. For the most part, I've known when they're not right for me, and have broken up with them rather quickly- I've only been dumped once. It's just once I've gotten into something, it's hard to maintain (is it for everyone?) because the hard work and the not-so-fun hits. This causes me to run, or at least want to. That does not help the situation. I hope to make more friends with women at church. Health: I never expected to have root canals done, ever, because I never really thought about it 'til it happened. Brushing and flossing didn't save me. By the end of this summer, I'll have a total of 5 done in my life. The good thing is that I'm covered by my dad's insurance 'til the end of the summer, and I'm in a state that I can use the insurance. Even with money in savings, i don't have enough to cover what the bill would have otherwise been, and if I get a full-time job this summer, it might have evened it out, but again, I'd have nothing left- which is OK because a lot of people are in that situation, and I'm not above anyone. Other than teeth, I think I'm pretty healthy- I could exercise some more, and take my vitamins (Christmas gift). Sanity: I've been sad and angry and confused lately. I don't know why I don't have a job yet, etc. I'm about as sane as I've ever expected. hopefully things will make sense as time progresses. |
posted by: hopie26 (reply)
post date: 06.23.05 (6:12 pm)
E-
You are so funny! There aren't many people who will categorize their life and critically examine each part. Life is difficult sometimes, but you are someone who has helped me appreciate the beauty in life . Like how you love individual snow flakes in the sky, pretty colors, special arrangemtents of food on plates, outside in all kinds of weather, etc. I know its a very difficult point in your life . . . but I believe in you. I believe in the person God created you to be. And I believe in the gifts He has put in you.
posted by: Erin (reply)
post date: 06.24.05 (2:55 am)
Reply to: hopie26
Thanks, Hope!
posted by: AC (reply)
post date: 06.24.05 (6:17 am)
so, how is it having only half a stomach?
Also, in semi-related news, (which i'm sure isn't news at all because you probably already know this) cows have four (Count 'em four) stomachs!
posted by: Aro (reply)
post date: 06.24.05 (6:42 am)
I believe in you, too.
in Bible study last night we talked about a lot of things, including how really, lovin God is the first and only thing that we need to do, and if we work on that, everything else will follow.
It really hit home with me, and I'm trying to figure out how to apply that to my life. Also, the point was brought up that rather than "what would Jesus do?" we should be asking outselves, "who would Jesus be?" -- or rather "how can I not just act like Jesus, but really BE like him?"
posted by: Erin (reply)
post date: 06.26.05 (3:00 pm)
Reply to: AC
my stomach must be like a worm, 'cause it's been growing its missing part (having a full cupboard and freezer helps)
and cows are so cool! and cute, I think. if you think about what they eat, it's a good thing they have four stomachs to digest it
posted by: Erin (reply)
post date: 06.26.05 (3:03 pm)
Reply to: Aro
thanks for inviting Jesus here. after I posted, I noticed He was missing. i thought i'd feel a lot more connected to God than I do.
posted by: newbie39 (reply)
post date: 06.27.05 (1:24 pm)
Erin, it seems that a lot of us are going through tough times right now in our lives. I wonder why that is--isn't it ironic that three years ago I was practically rolling in money and now I have nothing? It sounds like you are experiencng similar crises, and you're not alone among my friends. It seems like God picked this year for me and all my close friends to have a life crisis. I wonder why? But I know one thing for sure--your reflection has motivated me to keep praying for all of you, and I hope you'll do the same for me. Life may forsake you, but God never will. That's what I try to remember. Oh, and don't feel bad about not calling or emailing--praying is more important anyway!
p.s. Oh--and you get up every day at 5:30?? Wow!