Is this what I do to other people?  When I don’t have control over some part of my life, therefore overcompensating in others, do I make others feel totally incompetent, or at least undermine them in one way or other?  I sure hope not.  Sorry if that’s true.  I think I tend to do that with my physical surrounding- like straighten up the apartment, organize my things, but do I do that with relationships or generally make people feel like crap?  Often, I try to excuse or at least reason out other peoples’ behavior, but lately, it’s been too much.  I’ve been treated like a nimwit, only worse, at work lately, by one person.  It’s the most bizarre thing, and it’s hard not to feel personally attacked, but they are going through a tough time in their life outside work, and are letting deadlines and such at work bother them to no end.  And won’t let me help, but make me feel like total dirt for not.  It feels like an awful trap, but I’m supposed to stick it out, and not take it personally.  Easier said… 

and then yesterday, I was at a bus stop, and this guy comes up to me and asks me what religion I am, and I say, “Christian.”  He: “So you believe in Jesus?” me: “and the Holy Spirit and God.”  Then he asked something about my body when I die, like me being in heaven, and my family having my body.  I didn’t get it, and he repeated, and I said I thought I got what he meant, and he walked away.  I wanted to ask about his beliefs, but I didn’t.  He then came right up to the glass (I sat in a terminal while waiting) and started screaming, screaming, screaming!!  At that point, there was another guy on the bench with me, so I can’t say for sure that it was directed at me, but I’m pretty sure.  I read my book and prayed and stayed put.  I was at a busy bus station, and wasn’t about to go for a walk with this guy.  The way he was going on, I half expected to get shot to death.  I certainly meet interesting people on/near the bus.  Lately a god number talk to themselves (no earpiece or logical conversations- just observations about some moral issues.)  So yeah, I don’t know if there’s spiritual warfare going on (which it actually seems like to me) or it’s all a bunch of coincidence, or if I’m just becoming aware of stuff like that, but yeah, scary, crazy stuff.

Tonight’s the ‘first night of the rest of my life’ as some like to say.  I’m beginning to regularly teach an adult ESOL class.  I’m slightly nervous, as I normally have done it with co-teachers before, and because I’m putting a lot value into it.  Since that’s what my degree’s in, and I haven’t done much with it besides research, I really hope to see if this is something that I want to continue to pursue.  I’m also really hoping to find a good thrift store or garage sale soon, but that’s another story.