"...turn their gaze away from Him towards themselves.  Keep them watching their own minds and trying to produce feelings there by the action of their own wills... Teach them to estimate the value of each prayer by their success in producing the desired feeling; and never let them suspect how much success or failure of that kind depends on whether they are well or ill, fresh or tired, at the moment."
--Screwtape from The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

"WANTED: Healthy Sleeping Habits, Healthy Child"
--posted on Freecycle

"Certificate of Destruction"
--found on shredding service form