I've been self-depreciating lately.  "Selling myself short" as some would call it.  I look at the circumstances, can't see myself doing a whole lot of good or being worth much in it, and cut myself down.  I've actually heard my voice say things like, "Who do you think you are?"  I think I'm stuck up or at least act like a snob, and I don't like that.  I don't deserve the blessings and good fortunes I've received, and yet sometimes I expect them, if not more.  This all comes to mind again because I swear a 40-something co-worker was checking me out today, but what does it matter at all?  I'm dressed and act appropriately, so if it's true, what difference does it make anyway?  It's a rather sensitive issue lately, because age has been on my mind- what does it all mean?  I don't plan on marrying someone twice my age or anything, but the guy I like is older than me, and that's got me thinking about how immature I am, or afraid of commitment or things of that sort, and that freaks me out and makes me not even want to try.

That's kind of the case with work, too- I don't know what I'm qualified for or good at, so I'm rather comfortable staying at where I know what I'm doing, even though it's not in my field, and not very challenging (besides my nerves)...  but today, I did inquire about another postition similar to the one I'm currently in, but that would use more creativity and organization and would be with awesome people at my church.  I basically gave a cover letter about my qualifications and interest in it, and am prepared to send my resume, so I am doing something pro-active...  It's sure good talking with friends sometimes.  I know noone's perfect, and that sometimes friends with the best intentions can still kill our dreams and visions, but sometimes they can be the greatest encouragement and catalyst to the next step.