feedback and fatigue

My family's all about feedback, in their own way.  when the general public is asked their opinion, usually at least one them responds- calling/writing etc.  I think I'm more so that way.  I'll talk with the political parties that call, and take surveys online (like from receipts at Taco Bell or Old Navy).  I even offer unsolicited feedback, especially at retail/food establishments.  too often, i don't think people don't know they're appreciated or wonder how they affect others, etc.  I'll tell you what I think!  at least in that sense and on that level.  there's also a big part of me who's a people-pleaser, and I'd rather stifle my opinion then not have you like me or get upset or whatever.  it's one thing to let stuff slide (again is that honest?) and it's another when you keep score.  i keep score.  when someone 'wrongs' me whether intentional or not, there's a black mark on them, and I hold it against them generally.  now there are plenty of things that aren't that big of a deal or don't count in my book, but it's only recently that I've noticed that I do this.  I'm working on it.  when appropriate, or when i get the nerves to, I share these things with the appropriate people.  still will take a while to get the hang of it.  I hate being judgemental, and i want to give people the benefit of the doubt, not get a superiority complex.  the tally of black marks on me is pretty high.

i like malls.  there's something comforting about them to me.  maybe 'cause the ones I've gone to have the same general set-up, maybe some of the same stores- it's like stepping inside one, I could be anywhere.  it could be at any (recent) time- with anyone.  it could be w/ my grandma, a friend, whoever.  it's like a time capsule, or a tyme machine , you could say. i don't even have to buy anything- that's not the thrill.  stuff makes me happy sometimes, though.  I'm enjoying the things i have (have had for years) that I'll bring with me to Maryland.  i'm looking forward to the good times with good friends- picturing the setup of it.

i feel like i'm recovering from the first days of cross-country season, except that I haven't actually done strenuous excercise.  i think the shots/immunizations are beginning to affect me.  one awesome thing about the Midwest is that the population isn't so concentrated (as opposed to east coast, Mexico City...)  thus, a 42 mile drive this morning took 49 minutes during rush hour.  compare that to my normal 12-mile commute that takes 40 minutes.  maybe the evening rush hour here is worse (it is out east), but still,  that's a significant distance.  hurray!!  then again, DC has a much better transportation system, so there is a trade-off.  the clinic this morning took about half an hour.  I couldn't believe it!  I'd forgotten that there aren't as many restrictions or adhering to rules or whatever crap there is that slows things down in this wonderful midwest.  people smile and say hi and are helpful and obviously i sound ridiculous and am exaggerating.  it is great out here, but it's also great out east.  why else would I be staying out there?  there's got to be something going for it.  i just couldn't get over that I was at the clinic for less time then it took to get there.  it was a wonderful surprise, and a great start to the day.  now I'll scrounge for food- maybe that'll stabilize me.  and call me sappy if you like, but I went into Abercrombie&Fitch just to smell it because I miss Amber.