just wanted to share this:

even while creating this, I feel better.  there are just things that once were that no longer are, and I don't necessarily grieve or miss that, but nonetheless, I'm acknowledging that it was there.  I wasn't blind-sided, but nevertheless, I feel used.  am I just a scapegoat to some people?  sometimes I recognize when someone's just being needy and using me as a fix, but other times, I need to take a step back to see that.  I'm happy to brighten others' days sometimes or be something good for them, period, but is it too much to ask to be cared for?  to be important if you choose to spend time with me?  I'm not just the window you can open to let the smoke out.  I've been in an odd mood lately.  I'm happy, sad and angry sometimes all at once.  but mostly, I just want an adventure.  I don't know what that will be like.  sometimes, I'm glad I'm so reserved- not nearly ever doing what comes to mind, or at least doing so to a much lesser degree.  i think maybe I'm dangerous, so I'll think about what I do or stay away from others 'til it passes.  I don't want to use anyone any more than I want to be used.