-That was what I was asked this morning as I entered my (work) building.  "Great..."  I thought.  "Is my morning really starting off this way?  Do I look like a wreck after this walk/sprint from the grocery store?"  But apparently that's not what he meant.  The guy thought I was beaming and was just bursting with joy.  I was, in a way.  I'm always happy when I've just worked out a little.  I've got a little extra bounce and energy.  I had also just been thinking about meeting new people and the wonderful possibilities the future brings.  (how many times have I used "I" so far?)

Dating stories... I said I'd share, so here are a few (may be uncomfortable/inappropria te):

1) perhaps most embarassing moment (semi-deferred):  about a week (I swear it was like 4/5 days) before I was going to see my parents, I received a present in the form of the biggeset hickey ever.  It was bad enough having my friends and co-workers see it, but to imagine what my parents would think- I couldn't handle it.  And it was not the right season for scarves/turtlenecks... so even people I didn't talk with much gave me a look or commented.  Definitely couldn't pull it off as a curling iron burn.  Nothing like that has ever happened again, thank God.  and miraculously, it healed/faded before my parents saw.  Thank God for healing bodies.

2) not dating but awkward: a friend who lived in another state and always wanted me to visit invited me out, and assured me he had a spare room- he always has friends over, etc.  Yeah, right.  The first day I was there, he offered to buy me wine (underage) and he has one giant room-of-an-apartment, except a seperate bedroom.  The 'spare room' was the living room with a futon.  Can't say that I was happy.  He offered me his room, but how weird would that be- to sleep in some guy's bed... I think at least Amber will appreciate this: when we went to a bookstore, and I was browsing different language books, some of the things I wrote down were how to say, "Stay away" or "Back off."  It was my way of coping.  I have some unique (effective?) ways of turning guys down, and can offer advice if you ask.

3) some dates were fun.  There have been the good times, like going to games together or playing games with friends or going for walks, talking, eating... but for some reason, I keep thinking about times of conflict (especially with his friends) so let me think a little more.  The best I can come up with is a general experience.  It's great when there's that connection, and you can talk for hours and really understand each other.  and of course kissing is fun (gasp!) usually.  I used to date guys just 'cause they were into me- somehow I thought just changing the title would make me feel differently.  Nope.  Sorry, guys!  I tried to back out ASAP.

4) one more:  Rollerskating at a rink with the guy.  A song comes on and I don't really realize what it is until it's been playing for awhile.  It was my favorite Tainted Love.  how ironic.  He had requested it for me- and even at the time, I saw the irony- thought it was so cool to have someone care enough about me to request a song, but I also knew the lyrics, and thought it was an odd thing to get excited about.

I don't know the difference between dating and friends.  Well, maybe.  I just mean that I'm tired of things not working out and getting emotionally attached and all that.  Some of my best memories with or without guys could have been just as friends.  why the commitment?  why the title?  Sure, dating can be fun, but at what cost?  I wish I could just be friends and then get engaged.  I get attached to people, though- just about everyone, from a fellow bus-rider to my relatives.  and honestly, I want everything.  I want to know everyone well.  I want them to know me.  I want to jam to music and travel and read and cheer people up.