hmmm.... write when I'm sad?  sigh.. yup.  There will be some 'up' points, too.

I'm mainly sad 'cause I've been thinking about people not valuing their lives and what form that takes.  sleeping around?  cutting yourself?  letting yourself go (don't bathe/exercise)?  I think it's easy to get to that point when you compare yourself to others or to some high standard that you can never mearsure up to.  I'm not saying that 'everything's OK.'  There's always room for improvement.  You can achieve greatness and go great distances and probably a lot more than you  think.  How does that happen?  maybe through lots of sweat and tears.  maybe by relying on God and being sensitive to his guiding.  maybe by riding on someone's coattails.  All I know is that I've never seen it happen while someone was sitting around doing nothing.

went to the Holocaust Museum this weekend.  learned a lot.  thought a lot.

blind date: OK.  there's the whole chicken vs egg thing regarding that.  you could say that I since I am interested in someone else, there wasn't even a chance that I would be interested in the blind date.  But maybe it was (this is my theory) that it was upon meeting this new guy and seeing the non-connection or that he's not what I'm looking for that I thought of the other guy and how I'd much rather be out with him... so suffice to say that it was just OK.  It's always cool meeting new people and learning their stories, etc.  It was really hot out and we walked around for a while and then sat in Panera drinking water and then went to an Irish pub (my favorite place in that city) and I don't know if it was the heat or what, but I wasn't hungry- just had cheesecake.  went to Borders afterwards and I read all about heart health/disease and an Alton Brown cookbook (will try out a crepe recipe) as he read a cartoon strip book.  Amber then came (I kind of SOS'd her) and it was awkward (or at least I was being weird)- we were going for icecream, but then I didn't want any, so then noone did and we just went to CVS instead.  I guess at that point I was cranky.  at the very least, I wasn't charming.  I guess the guy's more of a listener, but he talked a good deal, seemed pretty comfortable.

I'm rather snobbish today (maybe in general?).  I don't think I have to like anyone and I don't think I have to give anyone a chance (at least as a boyfriend).  so why is that not OK with others- why did I have to have a horrible experience (did not) or does the guy have to be a creep in order to not go out with him again or to just think it was OK?  the turtle/donkey part of me wants to give up and think about being single forever- but that seems OK.  not ideal, but I could manage.  don't know if I'd want to subject someone to me anyways.  For example, I'm really shallow (hopefully only sometimes).  The example that comes to mind is that I get compliments on my skirts, etc. at work- and I absolutely love that and it's one reason I'm still working here as opposed to venturing out somewhere else.  I don't want someone to always say something to me about me (how boring) but it's hard to get past appearance sometimes.  When I compliment people at work, it's usually about their style.  When I get to know them better, I throw in other deeper qualities, but I also try not to freak people out too badly (embarass).  That's one thing they can get over, though.  They need to know there's more to them than what they look like- and I'll do my part to show them that.  It's just hard.  I don't want to encourage the importance of appearance, but it's about the only way I've found recently of encouraging others.  I'll keep digging.  I learned about someone's interest in tai chi, and am using that as a starting point.

like I mentioned earlier, we went to the Holocaust Museum this weekend.  after hanging around DC for a bit longer, we headed back via Metro(rail).  It had just pulled up, so Amber yelled, "Let's run!" or 'go' or something similar.  I did, and ignored the protest of the recorded voice saying, "Step back, doors closing."  Almost all of me made it in, but Amber and Lacon (sp?) didn't.  Part of my shoulder was stuck for a little while (don't remember that part) but two guys pried the door open for me (my purse was also stuck pretty soundly).  I laughed it off but was a little scared.  I thought the doors would bounce, like elevator doors.  They didn't.  They crush if necessary.  I talked it up with my fellow passengers and joked around and everything, but got off at the next stop to wait for the others.  They thought it was the funniest thing, and vowed not to trust my judgement for the rest of the day.  I can't say that I blame them.

perhaps my last story/news of the day (can't promise):  things are changing at church.  Maybe that's what I felt last Thursday.  I suspected as much as happened, but not to that extent or in that form.  As of August 15th, the whole pastoral staff is resigning.  When the elders (can't think of their actual 'name' maybe 'trustees' or something- the (3 of) 4 pillars of the church, basically) got up to speak, I knew it was serious, but with them crying and being somber and all that, I thought the church was going to close down because of these changes.  Not so.  I'm glad that these awesome leaders are doing what they need to.  They've worked very hard the past 2 years, and if they need rest or to pursue other things that God's gifted them with or placed on their hearts, more power to them.  It might have been easier to stay at the church, knowing what's expected of them, etc.- so it takes faith to move on (especially when the church is growing so much and is so down-to-earth and the people are so great...)  So while I'm slightly sad, I'm overpoweringly peacfeul and happy for them.  and they will at the very least continue our friendships and perhaps go to our church as part of the congregation.  We'll be spending the next 12 weeks talking about what our church believes and going from there.  I'm trying to see in what ways I can step up.  I'm mostly behind-the-scenes at this point.  and I have free time.