Sometimes I feel like I am drunk (behind the wheel) <from Out of my Head by Fastball>
----Sometimes, I feel drunk when there's not an ounce of alcohol in me.  Not that I really know what it feels like to be drunk...  all I know is that my reserve is down sometimes, and it takes a lot to not tell people what I really think, and that's also combined with being in a hugging mood.  I hope to never know what it's like to be drunk while driving.  That's one good thing about utilizing the bus system  (just kidding).  Other times, though, it takes a lot to go beyond straight-to-the-point unfeelingness.  It may be hard to imagine me not elaborating, but it happens.  I can't pinpoint anything that causes this to happen- it just seems to from time to time.

...the wheel of possibility, however it may roll <a continuation of aforementioned Fastball song>
I will disregard what the artist(s) intended and go off on my own shpeal.  I have a lot of things associated with the concept of "possibilities."  When relaying my opinion on the probability of something happening, such as a guy ever realizing how good he has it, I often use the terms "possible" and "likely."  While it is great that there are so many 'ways the wheel may roll' so-to-speak, for someone who likes control and a rather clear picture of what the future holds, it can drive me nuts.  Especially since my brain doesn't rest.  I may be excited and know that whatever happens will be for good ultimately and how fruitless worrying is, but it still can take quite a bit to chill.  At least it's not too hard to try new things.

I don't feel well.  and this time, it's self-induced.  It's from me being so concerned about doing the right thing (not that it's crystal clear or life-or-death situations).  It's just one of those times that a nice, long drive might do me some good.  or seeing someone who I feel comfortable enough to cry with.  or writing backwards.

on another note:
6 a.m day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold
Car seating is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb <segment from 'Brick,' by Ben Folds Five>
-----The song goes on to talk about his girl being a 'brick' that's drowning him slowly.  It's a very catchy song, and one of my favorites, even though it's so depressing.  My English 101 class dissected it, and we thought it was about abortion.  I loved that class- loved using such an intriguing plethora of resources to emphasis the points we were learning.  The classmates/teacher were so down-to-earth and honest--- it was wonderful.  Back to the song- that beginning is so bleak (lyrics I shared) with the time of morning, day, cold and seemingly noone else knowing what he's going through, and him not even able to feel it...  Who can't relate?  One of the main thing the song reminds me of is relationships where one person is dragging the other down- and so when I see that happening in real life, I think of the song.  Usually, this dragging is not intentional.  It's not like the person thinks, "_______ is so much better than me- the only way to get him/her on my level is to drag them down."  It's more of someone settling.  Their *special someone* may be a decent enough person, but also really selfish or inconsiderate or just not in a good place in their lives to decently treat someone with respect, etc.  Then again, I think people settle way too often.  Life will be difficult and maintaining sanity and another's interests will be hard, but that doesn't mean that just because you think someone has the potential of being some shadow of what you need/want, it is the only chance you'll ever have with him/her or that you should even spend one second of your existence with him/her.  Can you tell I feel strongly about this?   I say this because people are very important and I want the best for them.  Somehow, that doesn't translate all around.  I think strangers, 'everyone' is important, yet even though my friend may be the best thing that will ever happen to someone, if it's only going to break her heart, is it worth it, or even the 'best'?  And is it really any good for him if she is unconditional love and effort and he just takes it for granted-- maybe he needs someone who says, "No."