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| when Saturday becomes Friday |
| 01.17.08 (10:35 pm) [edit] |
This is an example of filling in the gaps- seeing what he had before and skimming through the rest. I thought my friend was visiting Saturday morning. Turns out it's tomorrow morning. Haven't seen him in over two years. Should sleep soon, with an early morning ahead of me. Guess no pie. Guess what? Someone thinks you are beautiful. And worth their time. And the most fascinating creature! And maybe that someone is actually several people or your cat or yourself or someone bigger than all that. 'cause you know what? People suck. or at least we fail each other and are not stable and what does it matter if in that moment, we really care about each other? It really hurts when I place my self-worth in the hands of those who choose to tell me what they think. Sure, most of the time, it works out great, but I should not have highs and lows so dependent if others think I am special or not. What do they know? I had been thinking along those lines much recently, when it stuck out the most as I stuck my hand in the garbage to retrieve my work entry card. It was in that corner, visible without digging, just waiting for me to remember it and bring it back into my life. I saw in that card, beautiful people. Not in the 'let us rate who we think are the most attractive' way, but in the 'something special shining through, perceived as beauty' kind of way. The people that are not focused or maybe even aware of how wonderful they are. But what am I saying? I will not go and raise someone's spirits up, only for someone else to crush them. I will speak the truth and hope you know that I am being honest and love you. But your happiness and self-perception should not be hugely influenced by me. This is the most 'at home' I have felt in a long time. Winter is my favorite season. If I had snowpants on, I would have rolled around. Instead, I tromped to work in my purple snowboots and jacket and felt more connected to the ground than to anything else. As others slipped around, I occasionally quickened my pace. If my fingers were warm, I would have taken a more leisurely walk home. I am accepting today for what it was. It would have been more wonderful if I could have shared it with David, though. It's hard to go on dates when there's more than one state border to cross. ;) |
posted by: SpringAgain (reply)
post date: 01.17.08 (8:35 pm)
I adore you little one. You are my shining star - my quarter found after the snow melts - the image of you in purple snowboots is fantastic. Mostly because I am so fabulously happy I met you.
posted by: (reply)
post date: 01.18.08 (12:11 pm)
Reply to SpringAgain:
I just associated you with springtime, for the first time! You are trees budding and a fresh breeze to me.
posted by: (reply)
post date: 01.18.08 (2:32 pm)
best