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| today is but a slice |
| 01.30.05 (5:36 pm) [edit] |
I desperately searched for an internet station at the airport- there's nothing to do there! (or at least when you have heavy carry-ons. My mom and Grandma were going to hang out w/ me, but they're on the other side of the aiport. I took a seat, and it felt wonderful! Ahhhh. . . . maybe I could sleep! But guilt racked me awake- what should I have done differently? Not this vacation-week, but weeks proceeding? How should I have shared this present with my friends? By now, most know anyways. (that for my graduation from college, my family sent me to Hawaii with my mom and grandma for a week- it wasn't even until January that tickets were bought- it might've been in March, but it worked out this way). Does it matter how my friends found out about this trip? yes. Should I stress about it?It had been raining practically all day (Saturday). I think my problem is me making decisions for other ppl. Case in point, I feel like I have a lot of good things going for me, and that my life is fairly easy- so when I foudn out my parents' plans for my present, I was excited, but didn't know what to do w/ it. I didn't want to brag, and with all the tough/bad things that some of my friends and the rest of the world are going through, I decided it'd be better to not say anything than risk adding sorrow/jealousy to anyone's life (I sound so selfish!!) I didn't give my friends the benefit of the doubt- that they could be mature and nice and share in the joy, like what friends do! (double the joy, divide the pain). I'm sorry. Part of what I was thinking was that I don't deserve this great gift- it's hard to accept a good thing- but even through the church service today- I'm belieiving God more and more that he is good and wants to bless us - and not just 'us' as anyone and no one, but as in 'me, too.' and you. |
posted by: hopie26 (reply)
post date: 01.30.05 (7:50 pm)
I guess I'll be the first to respond . . . I hope the guest blog and comments didn't ruin your trip. Or ruin the memory of the trip.
I guess the reason I felt weird was what I mentioned on an earlier post. Another reason I felt weird was because I felt like you were in a really hard place, Erin. I felt like you had no money, no place to live, no job prospects, etc. I pitied you in your situation. Then the next thing I know, Amber mentioned that you were in Hawaii. I guess I felt like "wow, here I thought she would be out on the streets practically - Instead she's partying in Hawaii."
So, yeah, maybe it would have helped if you would have told people about your trip. It is impossible to keep stuff like that private for long. It hurts people to find out second or thirdhand. But maybe it would have helped if I kept my opinions to myself. Either way would have helped this situation out, huh?
I guess when I find out exciting news, I am excited to share it with my friends - I can't hold it inside!!! But you are right, I think sometimes you overanalyze and take the fun out of a situation for yourself. And the fun for me and others. I would have liked to have known and been excited for you initially. But finding out weird bits and pieces for a week made it confusing and made me feel bad.
So, yeah. I guess I am the poster girl of selfishness in how I reacted. I just feel like you underestimated me by thinking I would be incredibly jealous when I found out. That hurts. And even if I reacted jealously - it would be between me and God. It would be my sin to bear. Not yours.
posted by: Chuck (reply)
post date: 01.30.05 (9:35 pm)
Reply to: hopie26
I wholeheartedly agree. When I talked to you, Erin, it sounded as if you were going to be practically homeless--no job, no place to stay, no job to pay for a place to stay, etc. It was quite shocking, then, to find out secondhand that you were in Hawaii. For obvious reasons, a trip to Hawaii and destitution do not go hand-in-hand. Finding it out the way I did made me feel used and cheated, because I had pitied your situation so much and been trying to help, etc. It made me feel like you must have been lying to me.
That said, you've shown maturity by apologizing, and I accept your apology. I'm glad you were able to celebrate your achievement with your family in a fun place of relaxation! I hope and pray things work out for you now that you are back in California.
posted by: Grant (reply)
post date: 02.03.05 (10:05 pm)
I know I have not posted on here before, but I just wanted to say that if you guys are Erin's friends, then you should be happy that she was able to have such a nice gift. Even in your "acceptance of her apology", you both have come across condemning. When I read what is written I see, "I accept your apology, but never forget how bad you made me feel."
Her explanation of feeling bad about having such a nice gift is perfectly acceptable. Flaunting something others do not have is awful, and she was doing her best to not hurt her friends.
Basically, if I had a nice trip to Hawaii, and my friends said these things to me it would hurt me more than help me in the future. If your goal is to help Erin understand how to go about something like this in the future, I would recommend going about it another way.
posted by: trickangle (reply)
post date: 02.03.05 (10:20 pm)
Reply to: Grant
Grant, thanks for offering your opinion, but I don't really know what to tell you, except this: You really have no idea what you're talking about. You don't know what the situation was and you don't know what kind of relationship we have with Erin. You also have no idea what kind of people we are. So, although I commend your desire to speak what you think is the truth, you really don't know what you're talking about. A sign of maturity is to know when you have the standing to speak into someone's life and when you don't. There are a lot of nuances here that you have no way of comprehending.
Have a nice day.
posted by: Aaron (reply)
post date: 02.04.05 (10:43 am)
Another sign of maturity is being able to listen patiently and hear what others have to say, without becoming instantly defensive about it. (the Internet makes this difficult for a variety of reasons).
You're being unfair to dismiss Grant's comments because he doesn't know you personally or understand all the "nuances" of your friendship with Erin. No one can ever fully know or understand another person, but we are empathetic creatures and share similar experiences and feelings.
I'm sure Grant has been jealous of a gift someone else got, hurt his friends by keeping things from them, been on the giving and recieving end of unfair criticism, and a jillion other things we all go through, which is how we are able to relate to others. Grant doesn't know all the specific details of this situation -- none of us do. But he's almost certianlly familiar with some of the ideas and emotions at play.
You may not agree with his assessment of the situation, you may feel he's misjudged the whole thing, but you cannot say he's got no idea what he's talking about.
And as a friend to Erin, I think he has a right to say something when he feels she's being treated unfairly.
posted by: trickangle (reply)
post date: 02.04.05 (11:40 am)
Reply to: Aaron
No, I honestly don't think he does have any idea what he's talking about. I don't blame him for that; I've made the same mistake lots of times myself.
I'm not being unfair to dismiss his comments. He frankly is wrong. Just because he meant well doesn't change that.
You may think I was being defensive, but I really had no such intention, nor any bad intention for that matter. You're right, it's hard to judge voice tone on the internet.
Grant may understand the base emotions at play, yes, but he does not understand the actual sitation. Thus, he isn't qualified to make a judgment call on it.
I guess he has a right to say something, but I'm not sure how far I'd take that argument. Who really ever has a "right" to say something about anything?
All of this confusion just highlights the fact that I should never have discussed this in a public forum. That's what I am most sorry for about this whole thing, and also is what I've learned from it. I'm not sorry for 99% of what I've expressed, because that was truth. Sometimes, however, truth needs to be kept in the context of the people to whom it applies. That was my mistake.
posted by: trickangle (reply)
post date: 02.04.05 (11:42 am)
Reply to: Aaron
And may I add, Aaron, that even you do not (and cannot)understand all the nuances of this situation.
posted by: hopie (reply)
post date: 02.04.05 (5:08 pm)
I think this whole situation has gotten skewed and a bit out of hand. I agree with Chuck that we should have never posted the comments that we did, even though we both still feel that way. I stand behind what I said, although I shouldnt have posted it!!!
I guess that shows us we (everyone in the world) should be willing to push issues aside to deal with until later and be willing to suspend judgment.
As a general rule, though I think you should rarely withold telling your friends about your blessings. Going to Hawaii was a blessing for Erin and I am glad she was able to go. I just think it is unnatural to not tell your close friends.
When I am excited I tell my friends about life happenings, but along those same lines I am happy and share in their excitement when they tell me good news. It is the give and take part of friendship that is vital to its existence. Without this sharing, it becomes a one-sided, unhealthy relationship.
I hope that comes across how I intend it to. Friendship = sharing = caring. Hmm, I feel like a kindergarten teacher.